Aging

 This week we talked about aging and the various events that occur in our lives during this process.

You are probably wondering why I have all of these pictures on my blog, well these are my cute grandparents. Papa Neto died in 2007 from stomach cancer and Mama Lota died in 2009 from a stroke. Lastly, we have my amazing Mami!

While in class someone made the comment about not allowing their in laws to move in with them when they got older. I was completely shocked when majority of the class agreed. I felt so sad because in my culture it such an honor and responsibility to take care of your family when they get older, there is no question about it that is an unwritten rule in the Latino culture.

Unfortunately, Mami and I couldn't have my grandparents move in with us when they were ill because they lived in Guatemala. But my Tia Carlota took care of both of them  until they passed away. She mentioned it was difficult but it was worth it because her relationship with then was strengthen. I saw the same thing happen when I went to Guatemala for a month to take care of them. I even had the blessing of teaching Papaneto the gospel and sharing my testimony with him.

I don't think I could ever allow my mother or any of my in-laws to be placed in a retirement home and not having their family when they needed them the most. I know that a family's system will change and that difficulties may arise. But I honestly believe that Heavenly Father allows us to grow and be charitable by serving the elderly.

I believe that it is a way to say thank you to my Mami for everything she did for me and for taking care of me when I was younger. Likewise, I believe that it is a way of saying thank you to Heavenly Father for giving me such a great mother and show him my appreciation for allowing me to be her daughter by taking care of her an an elderly.

Parenting

We learned a lot of great things this week regarding parenting. But the most important thing I learned was that we can receive personal revelation. Heavenly Father can really communicate with us through the Holy Ghost. While we were discussing about what discipline meant, it comes from the word disciple, I received an answer to my prayers. Like I mentioned at the beginning of the semester I have been afraid to become a mother. But during this class I received a clear answer from my father in heaven that it is time for Rob and I to have a baby. Yeah, I was freaking out, but I felt so much peace and love from Heavenly Father. I get to help my spirit brother or sister come to earth and obtain a body. I get to help him/her learn about Jesus Christ and teach him/her what they need to do in order to return back home to our loving Heavenly Father.

Finances

A few weeks ago we learned about the role finances plays in a marriage and in the whole family. It has been stated by many family therapists that finances is one of the main reasons why couples decide to divorce. You would think that couples would talk about how they are going to manage their finances prior to marriage but in reality the majority doesn’t. I think that one of the best things you can do before getting married is learning how your partner handles his/her money and have a serious conversation regarding the matter. This doesn’t mean that this will prevent all your troubles but at least you will solve some of them before marriage and it won’t create as much stress to the relationship.

Another thing that we talked about is teaching our children from a young age to be frugal and manage their money. My teacher mentioned that “when kids are frugal they allow mom and dad to be home more often.” I loved that! If parents are home more often they are able to provide to the emotional needs the children and be able to be there to teach them. Also children need to be involved in work in the home; they need that so it builds unity, confidence and so on. I realized that money isn’t everything. We can have enough if we are frugal and we teach our children to be frugal by doing so we can really create a great home and even save our marriage. 

Conflict and the Council Method

The previous week we learned about conflict. I learned that conflict is not just arguing or fighting with your spouse.But something as simple like a difference of opinion can be considered  as conflict.
 There are various styles of conflict which include:

Competition: it involves a high concern for oneself and a low concern for the other.

Avoidance: it involves having little concern either for your own interests or for the interests of the other.

Accommodation: it is the neglect of one's own interests in order to pursue  the interests of the other.

Compromise: involves some concern about both one's interests and the interests of the other.

Collaboration: it involves a high degree of concern both for one's own interests and for the interests of the partner.

Now it is important to understand that conflict is not always bad. There are good things about conflict in a marriage. These include: Helps us to better examine ourselves, brings issues out to the open and builds confidence in abilities and the relationship. 

This week we learned about the Council Method. I had never really heard about this before but know that I have I think its amazing. So the Council Method is based on having everyone speak about their concerns and be able to express their opinion, rather than just having one person impose their ideas on the other individuals.

I had such a beautiful and spiritual experience while learning about this because this is the way Heavenly Father if giving us the opportunity to become one with our spouse and our family. If you would like to learn more, I've included these articles.

 M. Russell Ballard, “Strength in Counsel”, General Conference, October 1993

 M. Russell Ballard, “Counseling with Our Councils”, General Conference, April 1994

 

Types of Affairs

This week in class we talked about affairs in my Family Relations class. Did you guys know that 21% of men and 14% of women have affairs? And there are different types of affairs as well.

4 Types of Affairs

Fantasy: emotional affair with someone who doesn't even know what is going on. For example, imaginine your life with someone else other than your spouse.

Visual: this consists of pornography, movies or books. For example, thinking that William Levi is super hot and you have tons of pictures of him on your computer etc.

Romantic: becoming emotionally involved/ attached with a specific person.

Sexual: engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachement.

We also talkked about way that we can prevent marital infidelity.

Preventing Marital Infidelity

Setting boundaries, being on guard
Being fiercely loyal to your spouse
Controlling thoughts

I had learn previously how damaging an affair can be to a family. I know that it distroys families, I mean it id destroyed my family. But I'm so grateful for a husband who constantly strives to be failthful to me and that I have committed to be faithful to him forever. I know that these things can be controlled and prevent much heartache. I hope this helped you gain a little more knowledge about the importance of our choices.

Meanings of Love and Styles of Cohabitation

This week in class we learned about love and how there are various meanings of love. 

Storge: love between parent and child
Philia: love that exists between friends; brotherly love
Eros: love between a man and a woman; sexual, emotional, passion or romance
Agape:  love beyond what you feel about them. 

While discussing these various meanings of love, my teacher asked which one should we have towards our spouse. The majority of the class responded all of them. All of these types of love allow us to grow closer to our to our companion. They are important to keep a marriage strong and also to have a healthy marriage.

This week we also talked a lot about dating and the importance of dating many people. Obviously dating has a different meaning for people. But in this case dating is going out with someone and getting to know them, this does not include sexual intercourse. 

I really liked something my teacher mentioned in class, he said "Dating is not just about testing but developing your skills." Many believe that when we date someone it is just about seeing if we are compatible with the individual, to see if we like their qualities and so on. But while we are dating we are trying to polish our own qualities and even develop new qualities like patience, charity, humility and so on.


We also discussed the reason's why individuals tend to cohabit rather than get married. There are various myths out there. People believe that by cohabiting they are reducing the risk of divorce because they are going to "test the waters" first. But in reality, and various studies have shown this, those who cohabit before getting married have 3x's likely of getting divorced when they do marry! I wonder if people were informed about this that they would opt for marriage rather than just cohabit.Not only do these couples have higher risk of divorce but they also have higher rates of violence and abuse.


There are 4 styles of Cohabitation:


1. Precursor to marriage: these are couples that are already engaged and have definite plans of marriage.
2. Coresidential  daters: they dislike living the single life and opted to move with someone even though they were uncertain about how long term the relationship will be.
3. Trial cohabitors: they intend at some point to marry but are not fully committed to their current partner to expect cohabitation to end up in marriage.
4. Alternative to marriage: individuals who are more committed to partner than to marriage.

It was interesting to learn about these various topics this week, it once again made me realize the importance of marriage and doing things in the proper order. Many of the times we wonder why have so much heartache in life but we do not realize that its because we are not following the plan that has been set for us. I have a great testimony about marriage and the importance it plays in an individuals life and future generations as well. I know that marriage is part of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christs plan for us, if we do things in the proper order we will have joy and happiness for all eternity.

The importance of Gender

This week in class we talked about Gender. We discussed a lot about the different traits that most men and women have like:

Men:
Aggressive
Competitive
Spatial Orientation
Task Orientation

Women:
Cooperative
More nurturing
Relationship based
Detail Orientation
Landmark Orientation

While we talked about the different attributes between men and women, I realized how important each gender is to our society and especially to Heavenly Father. Both men and women have an essential role in our society. It breaks my heart to see that men and women are competing to see who is better when in reality they are both equal. Yes, men and women may play a different role and we are a bit different from each other but we are still equal!! The responsibilities that each gender has are so important and I think we take that for granted.

I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ because through it I have learned the importance of my role as a woman and the responsibilities that come with my gender. I have the greatest blessing to help Heavenly Father's spirit children come to this earth and obtain bodies. But the best part is that they will get to be a part of my eternal family. I get to teach them Heavenly Father's plan and about our loving Savior Jesus Christ.

Another blessing is that I do not have to do this alone. I will be able to have my amazing husband there to help me. Both my attributes as a woman and Rob's attributes as a man will help us raise our children and return to our father in heaven. How grateful I am to know the importance of my gender and that it wasn't a coincidence, it has part of a heavenly plan. It was part of our loving Heavenly Father's plan so we can return home to him.